A Few More Things I Hate About Me
by Hiretsukan
Summary: The story continues, since some of my readers whined because it ended. Well, I've brought it back. What do you people want from me?
1. Session 11: The Starlights

Session 11: The Starlights  
  
* While Usagi and Haruka search the world for Hotaru, Seiya, Yaten, and Taiki arrive in Japan, except now they're not looking for their princess.  
  
SEIYA: So, why did you two drag me to this shit-hole?  
  
YATEN: We've made a decision.  
  
TAIKI: Yes, that's right. We've decided to become. (Long silence) 100% male.  
  
SEIYA: But why?  
  
YATEN: We want to feel what men fell, and mess with ourselves the way men do.  
  
SEIYA: Why don't we just stay in disguise?  
  
TAIKI: We've tried, but the feeling isn't there. We can pull and jack all we want, nothing will happen.  
  
YATEN: And besides, being men will let us experiment differently here.  
  
SEIYA: Differently how?  
  
YATEN: By dating women.  
  
SEIYA: But wouldn't that make you a lesbian?  
  
TAIKI: No, because "technically" we're men.  
  
SEIYA: But wouldn't us being men make us transgender?  
  
YATEN: .Yes.  
  
SEIYA: All right, just making sure you knew what you were doing.  
  
* Usagi and Haruka are in China.  
  
USAGI: What makes you sure Hotaru's here?  
  
HARUKA: I got a vibe coming from the south.  
  
USAGI: Okay, one: China's to the EAST of Japan, and two: I think that the vibe is coming from "your" south.  
  
HARUKA: You might be right, but what should I do?  
  
USAGI: Well, when was the last time you blew?  
  
HARUKA: About three weeks ago.  
  
USAGI: Well, there you go. Sheesh, don't you know proper penis handling skills?  
  
HARUKA: No.  
  
USAGI: A man is "properly" supposed to do it once a day. However, some do it more than once, and some less. That is not very healthy, because once a day will increase your life span.  
  
HARUKA: Interesting. But anyway, where do we look for Hotaru.  
  
USAGI: Oh my Gaw! There she is!  
  
HARUKA: Are you sure, that looks like a prostitute.  
  
USAGI: I'm positive! No one has those kinds of tits. I remember, because one day I walked in on Chibiusa and Hotaru messing around.  
  
* Usagi and Haruka run to the prostitute, who turned out to be Hotaru. The three packed up and went back to Japan.  
  
USAGI: So Hotaru, how was your stay in China?  
  
HOTARU: It was okay. One guy actually paid me to go to the back of a building. Boy was that good.  
  
HARUKA: Hey Usagi, isn't that Seiya?  
  
USAGI: It is! Hi Seiya!  
  
SEIYA: Usagi? Hi!  
  
* Usagi greets Seiya and the other two starlights.  
  
YATEN: So what've you been up to?  
  
USAGI: Haruka and I are married, and Hotaru's a prostitute.  
  
TAIKI: Cool, so where can we find a plastic surgeon?  
  
USAGI: Oh, I know a great place. It's near here. The doctor there is a miracle worker. He did this penis on Haruka.  
  
YATEN: Wow, that's a powerful bulge.  
  
HARUKA: Want to see it underneath?  
  
YATEN: Do I!  
  
* Yaten grabs Haruka, breaks into a car, and lets the good times roll. Meanwhile, Seiya, Taiki, Usagi and Hotaru go to the plastic surgery shop.  
  
DOCTOR: Ah, welcome back Usagi.  
  
SEIYA: He knows you?  
  
USAGI: Yeah. he sort of. "met" me before.  
  
SEIYA: Oh, all right.  
  
DOCTOR: What can I do you for, I mean, what can I do for you?  
  
SEIYA: We wanna become men!  
  
DOCTOR: All three of you?  
  
USAGI: Three, there's four of us.  
  
DOCTOR: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought the little one was a boy.  
  
HOTARU: How dare you. That's so rude! (She takes a lamp and breaks it over his face.)  
  
* The doctor limps into his office and performs the surgeries on Seiya and Taiki; he comes out nine hours later, tired.  
  
DOCTOR: How do you like it?  
  
SEIYA: I love. What the fucks that?  
  
DOCTOR: That, oh I'm sorry, I accidentally ran out of penises, so I put there a carrot instead,  
  
TAIKI: You did it to me too!  
  
DOCTOR: Yes, but if it makes you feel better, your surgeries are free.  
  
SEIYA: Well, do they at least work right?  
  
DOCTOR: Oh yes, they're just like real penises.  
  
SEIYA: All right then. Bye.  
  
* Seiya and the others leave the shop. Yaten comes with Haruka.  
  
YATEN: You guys are men?  
  
SEIYA: Yeah, where were you?  
  
YATEN: Well, Haruka gave me the best ever.  
  
TAIKI: It seems you just lost out big time.  
  
YATEN: No!  
  
* The six stand there at on the sidewalk. Meanwhile, a little person comes floating from the sky, with an umbrella.  
  
USAGI: Hey, who's that?  
  
To be comtinued. 


	2. Session 12: Chibi Chibi

Session 12: Chibi Chibi  
  
The mysterious little person floats down from the sky, and flattens into a parked car. The person gets up.  
  
USAGI: Chibi Chibi?  
  
CHIBI CHIBI: Chibi...  
  
USAGI: It's great to see you again. How's life?  
  
CHIBI CHIBI: Chibi Chibi!  
  
USAGI: Can you say anything else?  
  
CHIBI CHIBI: Chibi. (Nods her head "no".)  
  
SEIYA: You know, she reminds me of something. You know, with her ONLY being able to say her name and all.  
  
TAIKI: Yeah, she's very similar to a...  
  
A reporter comes up to Chibi Chibi.  
  
REPORTER: Hello little girl. Can we film you for out live interview with an alien?  
  
CHIBI CHIBI: Chibi! (Smiles. And nods her head "yes".)  
  
REPORTER: Thank you. (Turns around to face the cameraman.) Good day, I'm coming to you live where I have just witnessed this girl fall from the sky. It was an amazing event and we shot it. Take a look...  
  
Meanwhile, in Kanto, Ash and the gang are watching the news.  
  
ASH: What the hell is that girl?  
  
MISTY: She looks fairly odd.  
  
They see Chibi Chibi say only her name on the news.  
  
ASH: Wow! That must be he strangest type of Pokémon in the world!  
  
BROCK: Uh Ash, I don't think she's a Pokémon.  
  
ASH: She must be. If all she can say is her name than gawdammit, she's a Pokémon!  
  
MISTY: So what if she is?  
  
ASH: I'll tell you what, I'm gonna catch her.  
  
BROCK: What if she has a family?  
  
ASH: Who gives a shit! (Ash looks all determined and excited.)  
  
Ash, Misty, and Brock get packed and heads towards Tokyo. While they're running, the Pokémon theme song begins playing in the background.  
  
ASH: Where's that music coming from?  
  
MISTY: I think it's that band of musicians that have been following us since we left Kanto.  
  
BROCK: Can you guys leave?  
  
MAN FROM BAND: No...  
  
MISTY: Please.  
  
WOMAN FROM BAND: No...  
  
ASH: All right then. If it's a Pokémon battle you want, that's want you'll get one!  
  
MAN FROM BAND: But we never said...  
  
Ash summons out some Charizard, and Charizard scolds the band.  
  
BAND: Ahh!  
  
The three continue their quest to get to Chibi Chibi. Soon, they arrive in Tokyo.  
  
MISTY: Hey, how long did it take us to get to Tokyo?  
  
BROCK: About three weeks.  
  
ASH: I can't believe that they're still doing the interview!  
  
MISTY: Oh my Gaw!  
  
Ash takes out a Pokéball and throws it Chibi Chibi.  
  
CHIBI CHIBI: Chibi! (Hurt expression on her face.)  
  
USAGI: Hey, who're you?  
  
ASH: I'm a Pokémon Trainer!  
  
HOTARU: What's a Pokémon?  
  
MISTY: They're made up creatures who live in Kanto.  
  
Usagi, Hotaru, Haruka, and the Starlights look at each other confused, and then start laughing at Ash, Misty, and Brock.  
  
BROCK: Why are you laughing at us?  
  
HARUKA: Did you hear yourselves when you said that? "Made up creatures"! What the fuck is you on?  
  
MISTY: We're not on anything! (Quietly murmurs to the side.) Except a little Angel Dust.  
  
ASH: Yeah! And we're gonna catch that Pokémon!  
  
USAGI: I don't see any Pokémon.  
  
ASH: Don't play dumb! That little girl is a new species of Pokémon.  
  
USAGI: She's not a Pokémon dumb ass! She is the Light of Hope!  
  
HOTARU: Yeah retard!  
  
BROCK: "The Light of Hope"? What a retarded Pokémon name.  
  
USAGI: SHE IS NOT A POKÉMON!  
  
ASH: Go Pokéball!  
  
Ash throws his Pokéball at Chibi Chibi. It hits her in the head ans she starts crying.  
  
USAGI: See what you did, you shit head!  
  
MISTY: How can that be possible? Every Pokémon can be caught with a Pokéball.  
  
BROCK: Well Misty, there was that one Pokémon.  
  
ASH: That's right, Mewtwo! (Short pause.) That can only mean one thing, that little girl is a Mewtwo!  
  
MISTY: But she doesn't look like a Mewtwo.  
  
ASH: Then maybe she's a Mewthree?  
  
BROCK: That's retarded Ash. There isn't a "Mewthree".  
  
ASH: You're right! But I'm still positive that she's some sort of Pokémon.  
  
MISTY: Check you Pokédex.  
  
Ash opens his Pokédex, and it starts to beep.  
  
POKÉDEX: Chibi Chibi, the human-link Pokémon. It is rumored that this species was abducted by aliens and turned into a source of light, or the Light of Hope, by a woman named Galaxia. Nothing is known about this...  
  
The Pokédex shatters in Ash's hand.  
  
ASH: Ow! My Pokédex! What happened?  
  
Chibi Chibi begins to float in the air. A light comes out of her forehead. It spreads all over the city and into the sky. Chibi Chibi hovers in the air with cat ears, and a long, fluffy tail.  
  
CHIBI CHIBI: Yes, I am the link between humans and Pokémon.  
  
USAGI: Chibi Chibi, how are you speaking?  
  
CHIBI CHIBI: The writer is putting English words into my speech so the readers can understand me. I really don't think the readers would like this story if I were saying "Chibi Chibi Chibi, Chibi, Chibi Chibi!"  
  
ASH: Why can't I catch you in my Pokéball?  
  
CHIBI CHIBI: Two reasons. One: I am part human and Pokéballs cannot capture humans. Two: You are a dick fuck, dumb ass, motha fukka who deserves only the cruelest of tortures. And your two friends are gay.  
  
BROCK: No we're not. (Blushes)  
  
CHIBI CHIBI: You are indeed. And that girl is also a slut. So please understand that you cannot capture me, because I'm too high and might...  
  
A southern American hunter shoots Chibi Chibi through the head. Chibi Chibi fall flat to the ground.  
  
USAGI: Chibi Chibi! Oh no! What did you do?  
  
HUNTER: It was coming right for me! I had to defen' myself.  
  
SEIYA: No she wasn't, she was just floating.  
  
YATEN: That's right! How dare you!  
  
TAIKI: Yeah, you piece of cow shit!  
  
HARUKA: You are the WORST kind of creature there is on this planet! You don't deserve life!  
  
HOTARU: I curse you with the worst of curses. May you dick scribble and your balls burst. May you get burning feelings throughout your entire body until you die! And may you contract EVERY form of sickness on this planet!  
  
USAGI: And may your mama get burned alive!  
  
ASH: Yeah, what they said!  
  
USAGI: Oh shut the fuck up you pansy! You think you're better than that piece of cow shit? Well you ain't! You don't find it the bit cruel to enslave innocent animals and force them to fight for you? I mean what kind of sick fuck makes a story where the ONLY plot is a faggot, a bitch, and his gay lover travel around the world enslaving innocent animals so he can use them for fighting and sex. If you wanna fight someone, fight 'em yourself!  
  
HOTARU: You go sister!  
  
HARUKA: I'm disguised by all of you bitches! URANUS PLANET POWER MAKE-UP! WORLD SHAKING!!!  
  
Haruka attacks the hunter, and shreds his body into pieces. She misses Ash and Misty, but nails Brock right through his balls.  
  
HARUKA: Got 'em!  
  
Misty and Ash run away. Pikachu trips and hurls over a cliff and falls headfirst onto a pile of jagged rocks. The senshi go back to their normal lives.  
  
USAGI: Who would've thought that Chibi Chibi was the only remaining link between humans and Pakaman?  
  
HOTARU: That's Pokémon.  
  
USAGI: I don't care. I'm just sad that she's gone.  
  
SEIYA: Wait! Look! She's glowing.  
  
USAGI: But how?  
  
CHIBI CHIBI: You forget Usagi-chan. This is a "Sailor Moon" fan fiction. That means characters ALWAYS regenerate.  
  
USAGI: Are you saying that my friends will regenerate too?  
  
CHIBI CHBI: Only if their body is intact. Otherwise, they will be reborn and die from the pain, and be forces to go through this over-and-over. As for me, I will go back to being the little, freakishly huge-eyed girl who can only say her name.  
  
To be continued... 


End file.
